No YOU are!

Sunday, May 16, 2004

Joke time kiddies

So. i just found a disgusting joke that made me laugh so hard i coughed up my liver. it's revolting and in very poor taste. i love it.

What's funnier than a dead baby?

A dead baby in a clown costume

i know. terrible.

to redeem myself, i give you another joke that i heard at bar trivia on tuesday.

Why did the wog die?

Because he was fully sick mate!

the end. please remember to tip your waiters.

Posted at 8:15 pm by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

one girl. 465 newspapers who will win?

Hey there swingers. what's new?

it's wednesday, and to me that means newspaper-delivery day. newspapers are the devil. i hate it. it's very cold out there at 5:30 in the morning. very, very cold. if anyone want's to hire me for a job that happens some time after the sun rises, i will happily take it. i'm not fussy, i just need more sleep on a tuesday night.

watched that tv show 'there's something about miriam' last night. i sat for an entire hour with an expression of a mixture of amusement and cringing. i mean, it was bloody funny stuff. it's just i think the show is deeply damaging to the boys on it. they're probably psychologically destroyed as a result. on the other hand, they're all egotistical, sexist, british idiots, so i guess i don't really mind that much. i will watch the whole series, just because it's on. i'll watch just about anything. i'm a tv slut.

so bye. play nice.

Posted at 9:47 am by notverynice
people who love me(1)

Sunday, May 09, 2004

"mosquito- don't bite me! i mean it, buster!"

Hey there.

mother's day. the day of mothers. it's a nice holiday. i carried out my family's time-honoured tradition of the picnic. this year my Aunty Sharon (think of every steriotype of people called Sharon you've ever encountered, and you'll have a fair idea) got to organise it, so we went into the foreshore for the day. it was bloody windy, so i was kind of in a bad mood for half the day. the funniest thing was that Sharon didn't just invite the family. no. she invited a wide variety of family, friends and aquaintances, so i ended up celebrating the day with a bunch of strangers. there were:

* My grandparents
* My Aunty Sharon and Uncle Bernard, + their 3 kids
* My Uncle Mick and Aunty Sue, + their daughter Paige
* Sharon's Neice from the other side of the family, who everyone kept calling 'Poodge', which i found hilarious. she also brought her boyfriend Craig, and their illegitemate child Mitch
* A woman called Jenny, and her daughters Illiana and Daisy. i think that Jenny's daughter goes to school with my cousins.
* Max. i don't know who the hell he was, except that he was an old guy who used to work as a baker. we had a big chat about this, when i mentioned that we gave mum croissants for breckfast.
* Sharon's neighbours John and Kim, and their dog, digger.
* Felicity, another of sharon's friend's from my cousin's primary school, and her husband Peter, and 3 kids Jordan, Chris and Natalie.

why in god's name Sharon invited all these people to a FAMILY GATHERING i have no idea, but it was alright in the end. Natalie was a year older than me, so we ended up passing the time by making insulting comments about all the people who were on our little picnic. it was pretty funny, in the end. we also went for a walk out on the breakwall, and the wind nearly blew us off the edge. i got5 totally covered in sand. i hate sand sooooo much.

oh yeah. my mother really liked the watch we gave her, which was good. i mean she better have, given how much it cost me. i threw a minor tantrum over how much people owed me at lunch today, so i think i might see that money soon. some of it anyway.

see ya laytah! sorry. i just went all phonetic for a sec. i'm so ashamed.

Posted at 11:26 pm by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

Saturday, May 08, 2004

my ego is bigger than your ego

Hi boys and girls! welcome to Elise's blog! how are we all today?........... good.

so, i have decided to teach my class (for a uni assignment) all about the different aspects of humour. doesn't that sound like fun?............... glad you think so.

today i am going to play netball at 2 pm. which will be great. except for the fact that we've been thrashed every game. i don't just mean defeated. no. i mean absolutely slaughtered. we are a laughing stock. it's embarassing, really. but i don't mind so much, because i wouldn't trade my team in for anything. they're the coolest people ever. sure, they suck at netball, but i'm willing to overlook that. we can't all be perfect like me.

i don't feel like i ever write anything worthwhile in this thing. i mean, most people's blogs that i bother to read are all emotional and actually say worthwhile things. mine's lame. but i don't care.

so. emotions.....

i'm kind of ...... happy today i think.

h
ha
hap
happ
happy
happ
hap
ha
h

and i have to say one thing. and that is

i have new socks. mighty comfy.

Posted at 12:05 pm by notverynice
people who love me(1)

Thursday, May 06, 2004

so angry

unbefuckingleivable. my sisters just got home from mother's day shopping, and i got called into their bedroom so i could view the present- a very pretty watch. after i had seen the present and given my approval on their choice, the casually just said

'oh, and there's one more thing. we kind of had to use more of your money than we thought.'

seeing as they had full access to my account, i immediately thought to myself 'uh oh. this isn't going to be good'. when we buy joint presents for mum or dad, we usually put in about 20 or 30 bucks each, as a general rule.

i calmly asked them how much of my money they spent.

'80 dollars' they replied.

$80!!!!!!! THAT'S MORE THAN I MAKE IN A WEEK! SOMETIMES 2 WEEKS!!! the watch cost $130, and i paid for over half of it!!!! i am so mad right now!!!! i've done the calculations, people! i know that i was only supposed to pay $32.50. of course they tell me that they'll pay me back, but realistically, this is never going to happen. i know this. let's review the amounts of money owed to me by my family, shall we?

Mum & Dad: $250. i paid for my own 18th birthday present, which they were supposed to pay me back for, but haven't yet. my birthday was in early January. it's now May.....

Luke: well, i haven't really kept a proper tally, but i'd guess that it's at least $40. 5 bucks here and there adds up.

Johanna: $15. borrowed last year so she could go to the movies.

Emily: At least $25. not to mention the countless lunches i've shouted her to when we go shopping.

is it any wonder i'm so poor. the pathetic thing is that everyone except Emily have jobs and earn more than me. it's hopeless. so now in addition to these existing debts, Luke owes me $32.50, and Emily owes me $15. which i won't see ever again.

i think what makes me angriest, though, is the fact that the exact same thing happened to me at Christmas! we got professional photos of the 4 of us taken, plus a really nice (expensive) frame. now let's review. we had to get a case of beer for the photographer (who was a friend), so that was something like $40, which i paid. then there was photo development. me again. then the frame, which was about $90, which my sister and i went halves in. all in all, i'm out of pocket for over $100. meanwhile, my brother, who earns a hell of a lot more than me, didn't pay for a bloody thing. it is so unfair.

my siblings suck. i'm seriously pissed off right now. i can't even describe it. i feel like i'm ready to lose it. and worst of all, i can't go and tell mumand get them in trouble. I could tell dad, but he is the worst disciplinarian in the world. grrrrrrrrr soooooooo angry. waaaaay angry. i have to go sit at the dinner table and act normal now, so that mum's not suspicious. man. i was in such a good mood today, too.

Posted at 6:48 pm by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

I'll go off!

i'm in such a good mood right now! it's bloody fantastic! i've literally been runnung around my house singing and dancing like a maniac. which is somewhat out of character for me. thankfully i have the place to myself for a while. i can not fully account for this bizarre mood swing, not that i'm complaining. i think it has something to do with the fact that i have no assignments due any time soon, so i'm free to relax and just waste some time. it's great.

woooooo! it's mother's day on sunday, in case anyone didn't know. i have once again handed present-buying responsibility to my sisters, seeing as i am the worst present buyer in history. i gave the two of them my cash card to go shopping with, so undoubtedly i will also be paying for some of their frovolous spending. still, seeing as i'm too lazy-... i mean busy and important to go do my own shopping, it's just a risk that i'll have to take. i'm pretty sure i don't have much money in my account anyway.

hehehe my sister found vanilla flavoured condoms in my brother's room yesterday. which has grossed me out no end. i just do not need to know things like that. nevertheless, she told me anyway. guess i'll just add that to the list of things that i'll discuss with my future therapist. it's a bloody long list. what i really want to know, though, is how my sister came to find the said condoms. i mean, presumably he wouldn't leave them just lying around (i hope). i think i need a new family. the one i have is just too weird.

anywho, i gotta go wash up before my dad gets home and says "elise, why haven't you washed up?"

Posted at 2:39 pm by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

Tuesday, May 04, 2004

forehead slap

Hi kids. what's doin? i'm all tired and stuff, on account of having to stay up all night writing a history essay. and for some bizarre reason, i've decided to stay up again tonight, yet again. not a good idea. once again, the seductive charms of the internet have won out.

had a very social weekend- 2 parties in 2 nights, which was a nice change of pace. i just wish the parties could have been on a weekend where i didn't have to get up early on saturday and sunday mornings to write a major assignment. still, beggars can't be choosers. not that that is a particularly relevant cliche to use. what does it mean, anyway? i mean, yes, logically, it stands to reason that actual beggars cannot be choosers, but why is it that so many people of perfectly acceptable social and financial status use the phrase as though it were relevent to their situations? can anyone answer me that? i need to know!

anyway, the parties. friday was Katie's 19th, where i sat around and froze my butt off. it was fun though, especially the part where luke and i made up song titles with the word 'pog' in them. or at least luke thought of them, and i laughed. it was a good system.

saturday was Joe's 18th. highlights included: the trip to maccas, pushing kate in the trolley, sitting on the trampoline, the cake (bloody good cake), and drinking again. believe it or not, i haven't had a drink since Jess's 18th, which was ages ago. i have only one thing to say about this: thank god for my lowered alcohol tolerance. a few generous swigs of vodka, and i was good to go. and go i did.

peace out y'all. i'm going to watch bad late-night reality television. and forrage for food.

Posted at 12:24 am by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

Friday, April 30, 2004

because i'm high on time

1. Time is relative; what time do you want it to be?
Early Morning in summer or late afternoon in autumn.

2. While you're at it, go ahead, change your name to the one you always wanted:
hmmmm....... i don't know. when i was little i really wished i was called kaitlin, but i have moved on. i guess you can all call me ...... Michaelangelo. it's my name, and i can pick whatever i want!

3. Speaking of relativity, ever dreamed about Einstein?
Nope. i once dreamed that i was a character in Harry Potter, though.

4. On the subject of names, do you know your Star Wars name?
I used to, but it has slipped my mind.

5. If you answered yes to #4, do you embrace your inner geek and take her/him out for regular exercise?
I answered no, but the answer to this is yes. I think I'm doing it right now.

6. Have you always lived on Earth?
No. my people come from a planet which exists in a distant galaxy, lightyears away. i am merely here to gather intelligence. soon, we will conquer your insignificant planet, and declare ourselves masters of the universe.

7. Do you believe in extra-terrestrial life?
no, they're all bloody useless.

8. Well, they believe in you, and now they've invited you to their home world. With no guarantee of a return ticket, would you go?
well, that depends if the tickets are business class or economy.

9. If you could live anywhere on Earth, where would you live:
The Taj Mahal. it seems nice and roomy..

10. Are you now, have you ever been, or do you dream of being an Elvis impersonator?
It's a possibility. i'm working on building up the gut right now

11. Who might you have been in a previous life:
Queen Elizabeth I. she was a boy basher too!

12. What was your birthday:
uh..... it was a birthday......... i don't understand the question...... help......

13. Are your favorite things animal, vegetable or mineral:
Animal

14. Bright, shiny or glittery:
Bright.

15. Time to go shopping. Boutiques, the mall or online:
The mall. and then me and the girls from 'clueless' can go cruise around L.A. in our flashy SUV's drinking lattes.

16. Actor/celebrity that tempts you enough to consider changing your sexual orientation, if just for one night:
Interesting question..... um...... Lauren Lee Smith. or Liv Tyler.

17. Character -- book, film/TV -- that you really, really wish was real, if just for one night:
The first fifteen were easy, now I'm all answered out. Okay. A character. Let's go with Buffy Summers. oh, no, wait! i pick Paris from 'gilmore girls'!

18. Rich or famous:
Rich.

19. Famous or infamous:
Famous.

20. Would you spy for your country?
I am.

21. If you are, or have ever been, a spy for your country would you admit it?
I don't know what you're talking about.

22. Least favorite colour:
Most yellows.

23. Food you hate most:
Meat pies *shudder*.

24. Worst movie(s):
Anything that has a pop singer playing a lead character.

25. TV show(s) you detest:
The Footy Show, Neighbours, My restaurant rules

26. We've all got guilty pleasures. Film, TV or book series that, rationally, you know is so bad it can curdle milk but you can't help but to watch/read anyway:

A series of trashy horror novels, the 'Nightmare Hall' series, by Diane Hoh. they're terrible. absolutely appauling. i collect and read them compulsively, and they suck me in every time. if anyone has any that they're keen to get rid of, i'm your girl.

27. Actor and/or celebrity you would pay to slap:

Oh, shit. We will be here all day. Probably Toni Perren.

28. You've been offered a job that pays obscenely well. It's in porn. Would you accept the job offer?
No. well, maybe. if it's arty. i mean, there can be no limits in the pursuit of art.

29. Didn't say you had to star. What if it was in production, advertising, sales and distribution...?
Sure, why not? a job's a job. and it'd make a great story.

30. If the opportunity arose, and you could get away with it, would you commit immeasurable acts of violence -- so horrific as to permanently scar the homicide detectives who will later work the case -- on Britney Spears?
i wouldn't go that far. i'd just break her nose. i'm not a violent person! honest!

31. If not Spears, then who:
Webster. i'd shoot her in a heartbeat. i'd be like BAM! "that's for strawberry kisses!" BAM! "and that's for crazy about your smile!"

32. Do you believe that the base ingredient in both Coke and Pepsi is carbonated battery acid?
Sure. i prefer to drink it straight, though. it's got a real kick to it.

33. Remember the cartoon strip the above question references?
Nope. i stole this from some chick's site.

34. Last comic book you read:
those free ones you got with happy meals when 'spy kids 2' came out. those 3d glasses were cool fun. i kept wearing the arount the house, going up to my sister and going "wow! they really work! you're like totally jumping out at me! you're all 3d!"

35. If you could be any comic book hero or villain, who would you be:
Wonder Woman. and not just because of the sassy outfit.

36. Rice, potatoes or bread:
All of them! together! mushed up!

37. Whipped cream, chocolate sauce or melted caramel:
Schmocolate............ *drools*

38. Who would you most like to lick #37 off of:
one of my oldest and dearest friends. i call him icecream, and we go waaaaay back. in fact, we've lived out this kinky little fantasy quite a few times.

39. Addicted?
to many things, including bass

40. Conflicted?
Of course

41. Ever poked a badger with a spoon?
No. unless that's a metaphor...... then still no.

42. Can you name the person #41 references:
i'm feeling incredibly naive right now. badger? spoon? sylvia?

43. Think he's a god?
He, who?

44. Think you're a god?
Nope. There's a touch of princess there, though.

45. Ever been one toke over the line?
Heh.

46. Ever been one toke over the line while sitting downtown at a railway station?
nerp. it was a trainstation uptown.

47. Have you ever done anything for which you *should* have been convicted?
Like i'd broadcast that sort of information on the net. i don't want the entire world knowing that i was actually responsible for the death of Jesus Christ.

48. Planning to take over the world?
yes! i have a diagram and everything!

49. What're gonna do with it if you're successful:
"wouldn't it be nice if the world was cadbury's...."

50. Are you only happy when it rains?.
there have been times when it has rained and i was happy, however, i believe this to be nothing more than coincidence, and am unaware of a direct connection between the two.

51. Most importantly, apples or oranges:
mangoes.

goodnight newcastle, and god bless!

Posted at 4:39 pm by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

Wednesday, April 28, 2004

"you're a voyeur, the worst kind of thief"

So....hi.....

i am so sick of writing bloody essays! anyone (and by anyone i mean people who are good at english) who feels like jotting a few words down about the information processing model, and how it relates to a classroom situation, please feel free to do so.

if you haven't guessed, i'm now back at uni, doing all the assignments that i neglected to touch over the holidays. but it's ok, because i like to write under pressure. well i don't like it, but i seem to do well out of it. i just lack motivation. it's not that i can't, it's just that i don't want to. i wish i could skip this whole 4 years of uni thing and just get straight into the classroom. i'm pretty sure i already have more ability than half the people out there. it's not fair.

paper delivery day again, which means i've been up since 5:30. i hate getting up that early. let me rephrase. i hate it when i have to get up and do something like carry a really heavy and cumbersome bag full of newspapers uphill in the freezing cold. i don't mind early mornings otherwise. i love getting up early when there's nothing to do, and just cooking breakfast or reading, while everyone's asleep. i think that's because early morning is the only time this house is quiet. that and late at night, another of my favourite times.

i've got 2 birthday parties to go to on the weekend. Katie's on friday night, and Joes on saturday. i don't know if i can go on saturday, seeing as i have a 2000 word essay due on monday which has yet to be written. we'll see. i've also gotta make time for netball, assuming the opposition turns up (last week we had no one to play against. apparently the other team had forfeited and no one had bothered to tell us).

gotta go back to writing now, or it'll never get done. i'm also working on a '50 people i'd like to have assassinated' list, so stay tuned!

Posted at 3:55 pm by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?

Saturday, April 24, 2004

mmmmmm...... crushed grapes

Today i spent my valuable time fulfilling my family duties. we (my parents, sisters and grandparents) went to the Hunter Valley Gardens, which are out at the vineyards. it was really pretty there. while my mother and grand mother had very boring, intellectual conversations about various types of plants, i spent at least 5 minutes giggling at the topiary elephant in the indian garden. i also walked around the nursery rhyme area singing to the tape of children's songs being played. it was fun!

my dad left the meat for lunch at home, so we had a vegetarian lunch. then dad found a general store that sold sausages, so we ate a second lunch at about 3 o'clock. then we did some cheese tasting. well, i didn't, because the cheese place smelled weird. i did manage to convince my sister to eat someething called jalapeno jelly. apparently her mouth was still burning when she went to bed.

then it was on to a bit of wine tasting. i got to do it, which was fun. i don't really like wine, but it was totally worth it so i could imitate danny bhoy from this yeard comedy festival gala. i had some kind of red wine, and i looked over to my sister and said "it's very oaky,... and smokey,.....and ... barky. yes barky, monkey boy. have you ever licked the bark of a tree?.........yes, well that's what it tastes like."

netball tomorrow. we're going to lose. but we do it with such enthusiasm and style. hopefully this time i will stay on my feet. i have pretty new shoes, so they might help me. or kill me. either way, it's gonna be quite a show.

Posted at 12:24 am by notverynice
Care to boost my ego a little?